LIVING ON A SUITCASE

For almost a month now, I have been traveling around with one small suitcase and a purse. I traveled around Mindanao (Davao City, Bukidnon, North Cotabato, South Cotabato, General Santos City, and Davao del Sur), took a bus from Davao to Tacloban, Leyte and spent a week there, and now I am in Cebu City. My next destinations are Bohol, Dumaguete, Bacolod, and Iloilo. Traveling has always been fun and inspiring, and my recent trip has taught me a lot of things and inspired me to write again after a long time.

In the next few weeks perhaps, I will write about the places I visited and the experiences that came along. But for now, a major lesson I learned the past month is about living on a suitcase. Back at home in Laguna, I have a closet full of clothes, several pairs of shoes, and bags. In Manila, I have two closets of clothes, and a half closet of bags and shoes. I have acquired those possessions in the last five years of working. Some of them were gifts, some I bought out of necessity, some are souvenirs from various countries I visited, and some I bought as a reward for myself after accomplishing a hard task.

 I'd say I have a simple taste when it comes to fashion, but I love the variety I find in my wardrobe. I have several sets for formal meetings and dressier days, I have sets for traveling and rugged days, and I have a ton of my everyday jeans and shirts. I love that I have options to choose from everyday, but I did have my favorites that I will wear more often than the rest. I am not very keen on brands, nor do I collect the latest trends. I go after comfort and practicality in all my stuff.

For this trip, I packed along two dresses, one pair of jeans, one jogging pants, three shorts, two pairs of pajamas, six shirts/blouses, and ten pairs of underwear. I planned to wash my clothes whenever I can as I move along. I wanted to limit my stuff in one suitcase so I could travel fast and lite. I have a purse where I put my netbook computer, wallets, and important documents. Off the road I go, on a taxi, airplane, bus, tricycle, habal-habal, motorbike, van, and ferry, with my suitcase and purse in which my life depended on.

After a month of traveling, I really miss my entire wardrobe and the variety from which I choose my outfit everyday. The past weeks, I have been limited with the seven pairs of clothes I brought with me.Today after shower, I looked in my suitcase and was bored with the same set of clothes I look at everyday, struggling to find something to wear. I feel like I really have a serious problem now, I can't wear other clothes!

But upon reflecting, I realized some lessons in life. Firstly, of course there are thousands of people in the world who own even less amount of clothes than what I have in my suitcase. What is there to rant about missing my wardrobe when some people have bigger problems than that? Secondly, if I could live in a small suitcase and a purse for an entire month (and counting), why do I need several closets full of clothes? Such are the baggages we have in life...

Sometimes we tend to put too much in our emotional baggage that it becomes overloaded and we think we need to expand them to be able to put more. Most of the time we store our feelings of anger, hatred, unforgiveness, revenge, and bitterness towards other people. It is hard to let go because it just feels good to have a variety of emotions kept hidden somewhere. We also keep our attachments on material things, such as our possessions that we forget what is more valuable - relationships.

Yesterday we talked to a small farmers' organization and they shared to us their struggles about being trapped in the economic and political warfare between the rich and the powerful. Being poor, they are powerless and caught in the middle. Their only concern everyday is how to find food on the table, how to stay in a safe shelter, keep something to wear, and send their children to school. The rich and the powerful? Well, they fight over their political positions, huge lands they use for mining and other businesses, and they think what they have is not enough so they need to get more from other people, thus they fight.

From the farmers I learn a great metaphor. Identify the essentials of life and fit them in a suitcase, and that's what you bring with you anywhere. You cannot acquire more because it will be hard to carry around. For me, the essentials are my family, friends, some clothes to wear, a bed to sleep on, books to read, and food to eat. Those are the essentials I will put in my emotional suitcase. I cannot ad more I cannot desire for more wealth, power, influence, or enemies - they will keep me from moving on.

In life, we should learn how to live in a suitcase, where only the essentials fit.

THE LOST SHEEP: THE GOSPEL OF TODAY'S PEACE AND HUMAN RIGHTS ADVOCACY

In one of our training with a group of pastors and church leaders, a shocking question came up.

"How powerful is the Communist Party of the Philippines-New People's Army-National Democratic Front of the Philippines (CPP-NPA-NDFP) today that we should be wasting our time in meeting their demands?"

It was a sincere, honest question from someone who works with the church and is handling various ministries of the church. The immediate answer I gave, trying to put "peace and human rights advocacy" and the peace process between the Government of the Philippines (GPH) and the CPP-NPA-NDFP in biblical context, was the parable of the lost sheep.

Jesus told the parable of the lost sheep, where the shepherd had one out of his one hundred sheep missing. He left the ninety-nine which were safe and fed, while he looked for that one lost sheep who was probably hungry, exhausted, and whose life is in danger. In the context of the CPP-NPA-NDFP, there has been a huge decline in the number of their membership since the 1970s. As of today, there are still a few who continue the armed struggle to fight poverty, injustice, unjust economic and political systems, bureaucratic capitalism, imperialism, and feudalism. If they will be mapped in the Philippines population, they comprise a very little percentage of the whole population, where majority are also experiencing poverty, and many forms of injustices. It might be rational from a perspective of someone who is not experiencing poverty from day to day, to ask whether the demands of the CPP-NPA-NDFP is worth wasting time on. But, if the shepherd who has ninety-nine healthy sheep came back for that one lost sheep who was hungry, missing, and crying for help, how much more would the Heavenly Father listen to the cry of the people who are hungry, poor, helpless, homeless, landless, and hopeless? How could the church, as the Body of Christ, minister to the one lost sheep in the Kingdom of God?

After that encounter with church leaders, I realized that there is more purpose to what I am doing, more than just peace and human rights advocacy. That question from a church leader that challenged the advocacy I am doing, was only a way to dig further into Jesus' message of peace and reconciliation.

The Biblical Narrative of the Parable of the Lost Sheep

As Luke wrote it, Jesus was mingling with tax collectors and sinners. The Pharisees and teachers of the law were the ones who challenged what Jesus was doing, "welcoming sinners and eating with them". In today's scenario, many church leaders ask, "what is the importance of the GPH-NDFP Peace Process to the ministry of the church?" It is more like asking, "What is the importance of peace and human rights advocacy? Is it more important than evangelism, discipleship, and worship?"

Jesus answered those church leaders who challenged him, with the parable of the lost sheep. He concludes the story with:
 "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." - Luke 15:7


The Lost Coin and the Lost Son

Jesus further emphasized his point with the parable of the lost coin and the parable of the lost son. In all the parables, He reiterated the effort to search and find which was lost. And after finding it, there is rejoicing and celebration.

Jesus emphasizes the point of rejoicing when even a single one is lost and has been found. In all the parables, He concluded that there is rejoicing and celebration in the presence of the angels of God when one sinner repents.


Human Rights and Peace Advocacy as a ministry 

In the societal context, it has been hard to connect peace and human rights advocacy as a ministry of the church. It has always been connected to civil society organizations and mostly left-leaning organizations.

As someone who grew up in church and handled various church ministries before, I have been asked a lot of times about what ministry I am doing right now. Being a full-time advocate for peace and human rights, it is hard for the "church people" to figure out which specific ministry my work belongs to. It cannot be categorized into evangelism, discipleship, worship, service, or witnessing. It is not even a work that is initiated by the church. But if I would be asked again, I can now say that my ministry is finding the lost sheep. It is not so much extravagant, nor is it holier than other ministries. But my ministry is finding the lost, the hungry, the helpless, and struggling individuals in the society, listening to their cry, and trying, in small ways, to feed them and draw them back to the Father.

Finding is a short, simple word, but in reality, it is a work of hard labor, focus, determination, and lots and lots of hoping. You will not find something that is already seen. You find something through thick forests, dark shadows, and deep holes. It is not easy being done alone. So, for church leaders and ministers, there is finding to do. Let's do it together, so that one day we could rejoice and celebrate over finding even one lost sheep.

DON'T STEP ON MY WINGS

I have wings so small, I am starting to fly
I try to explore, sometimes I cry
I fall, I ache, sometimes I break
But how can I fly if you step on my wings?

I need to get out, to try and break free
Give me some freedom, some trust I demand
My wings are small, they need to grow
My steps are frail, but yes, sometimes I need to fail

I can hop sometimes and I could flutter
I want to talk too, even if I stutter
But how can I go, oh tell me, how can I grow?
If you step on my wings, you put me oh so low.

I have smaller wings and you want to fly higher
But you cannot go higher if you step on my wings
I couldn't be able to fly,
How can I lift you up high?

Oh, let me be, let me free
Let me soar high and spree
Let me explore where my wings can take me
And maybe, one day, we can fly together - beautifully

Oh please be fair to a small eagle like me
Whose wings are small, frail, and still learning to fly
Don't step on my wings,
It stops my heart beat.

You soar on your own wings
So high and unreachable, I can only look up to you
And that will let my wings grow too
So that someday I can grow as big as you

But you cannot soar so high and mighty
You cannot go further than where I could be
If you won't let me go, together we'll stay here
So please, don't step on my wings and let us both be happy.

THE GOSPEL IN THE FAMILY

Growing up in a Christian family, it was easy for me to imagine the love of God the Father, because I felt that love manifested through my own father. It was easy for me to love the church community because my whole family is serving the Lord together, and I see the church community as my own family. When I accepted Jesus as my "personal" Lord and Savior, I knew it was a decision I made for my own  soul, for my own salvation. The essence of following Jesus, however, is strengthened because of my connection with my family and the church community.

A lot of times, I hear people evangelize saying they should disregard their seat mates, ignore friends, family, or whoever gets in the way, as long as they express their faith in God. Most Christians would preach the value of personal salvation without considering the essence of family and community, which is the very nature of the Triune God.

In most cultures, especially in the Philippines, family and kinship are primary values. It is expressed in our political structures, business, and other primary institutions. Political leaders rule not only as individuals, but as families. The larger the clan, the larger their political influence and allies. Top business industries are ruled not only by individuals, but by clans. Churches, especially mega churches, also follow the same pattern. Pastors who lead the church would have their children lead the different ministries inside the church. This pattern has both positive and negative implications, but what I want to focus on is how we preach the gospel to individuals, as if their salvation is important only to them as individuals, disregarding the importance of family.

I know a lot of people who come from non-Christian families and are converted into Christianity. They are people who experience a lot of struggles within their family once they became Christians. As new Christians, they are challenged to share the Good News to their family, but often times it becomes the reason for family conflict and misunderstanding. Matthew 10:21 is being used in the wrong context, encouraging them that it is alright to be in conflict with their own family as long as they keep their faith in God.

Upon reflecting on certain situations that I come closely exposed with, I must say that the church as a community has a mission not only to bring individuals to Christ, but also their families. It should not be up to those individuals to bring their own families to Christ. The church must be able to step up and walk with new Christians as they reach out to each of their family members. The Good News can be holistically experienced if you experience it with your family. The family is the immediate manifestation of the love of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

In this culture where family, kinship, and ties, are strong foundations for political, economic, and socio-cultural survival, there is no reason to leave the family behind when it comes to spiritual transformation and growth. A strong personal relationship with Christ can be fully enjoyed with family and community.

MAKING A LIST AND CHECKING IT TWICE (THE IDEAL MAN LIST)

This is not about a Christmas wish list or a shopping list. This is about an ideal man list and I was inspired to write this post when my friend wrote about why she threw her "ideal man" list. She is a very talented and passionate woman, and the reason why she is single, is because that one man who deserves her hasn't come along yet.

I am writing this in response to her story of throwing away the ideal man list and focusing on having a heart that can discern the character of a man, because the character of a man is the only thing that is non-negotiable. I completely agree with that. We do not need a list. We will not marry a list. We will marry a man. We will not fall in love with the ideal. Loving means loving the imperfect, the most annoying, and the disappointing side of the man we choose to be with.

I don't know where that "ideal man" list came from, but maybe I also had those lists before. I did not literally have a notebook of lists or some sort, but I had some "standards" in mind about what kind of guy I would like.The first time I felt like a guy met all the ideals I had in mind, I entered a relationship and broke my heart. After that first heart break, I revisited that list and improved it, thinking that the next man should be the one, because I had an improved version of that list. I met another man and broke my heart the second time. And so this journey to finding the "ideal man" was painful, but then I learned my lessons. Since then, I knew I had to be patient and figure out what kind of man I would really like to spend the rest of my life with.

I believe that there is no such thing as an ideal man. So I just imagined what characteristics and qualities of a man that I think would best fit my character, and then I prayed. I prayed for a man whose heart seeks God and who will also seek my heart from God. I prayed for a man who has a clear vision in life, in which I will see myself being a part of. I prayed for a man who will see himself in my own vision, and will complement me in all my strengths and weaknesses. I prayed for a man whose leadership I can follow, and whose character I can admire. I prayed for a man that I will love as a person, and as a man, not because he loves me but because I'm just drawn to him naturally. I prayed for a man who will love me with all my imperfections and whose imperfections I can embrace. And I always prayed to God to surprise me...

...and He did! I met a man who I never thought existed. I met a man who I loved in my prayers and existed only in my imagination. It does not need to take so much time to figure out if he is the one, because I know while I was praying for almost two years, he was also in the process of being prepared to meet me. We are still in a journey of knowing each other deeper and envisioning a future together. There are a lot of things we are learning that I can share with you in the future. But what I want to point out is that every woman deserves a man who is no less than what she deserves. 

Women, we do not need a knight in shining armor who will save us from our wretched circumstances. We do not need a prince charming who will give us a feeling of security. We do not need the attention of a handsome guy to make us feel beautiful. It is not what a lifetime partner is for. We have our own strength, our own confidence, and beauty. What we need is a man who will appreciate our inner capacity and inspire us to become better in anything we do, because he believes that you are powerful enough and you can do it without him, but he will still be there to support you and be a shoulder you can cry on at times that you feel weak.

Love is not a fairy tale with happy ever afters of smiling and dancing and having fun. Love is discovering the inner capacity of each other and choosing to embrace each other during difficult times because you hold your commitment sacred. What we need is a man seeking God's heart, not a man fulfilling our list. 

So if you have a list of your ideal man, maybe check it again and figure out what you think you really deserve as a woman. If you are sure of what kind of man you are waiting for, check again if you are the kind of woman he deserves. God is the best author of love stories more than any writer or novelist who ever existed. And no love story is ever perfectly the same. As unique as each of us is, our love stories are also uniquely orchestrated and we only need to prepare as we wait for the spotlight to come our way.

WHY CELEBRATE TODAY?

Twenty four years ago today, I was born into this world.

I may not have a very special party or extremely happy day. In fact, today I am clouded with mixed emotions, disorientation, and confusion. I believe I should be having a quarter-life crisis next year, but mine probably came a year early, I'm not sure.

24 years of my existence has been very rich and meaningful. I thought of writing about 24 reasons to celebrate, but as I count the reasons why I should celebrate today, I realized that there is just so much to write that they would not fit in one blog entry. I celebrate my family, my church community, my friends, my career, my ministry, my special man, my dreams, my struggles, my failures, mixed emotions and confusion. I celebrate my life as it is, and all the realities I have come to discover and experience in this 24 years of existence. 

Today, as people send their greetings and love, I want to give the praise to only one name, the Lord of my life, Jesus. As I experience this phase of struggle and confusion, I rest in the fact that Jesus is Lord and that His blood has saved me, and that his resurrection is the reason I am alive and experiencing life on earth to its fullest. 

I would probably live for a few more decades, or maybe less, who knows? But one thing I would constantly celebrate is that my Lord is alive and that He walks with me through my journey. In triumph and victory, He celebrates with me. In darkness, He holds my hand until I see the light. In sorrow He comforts me until I find my peace. In confusion and despair, He's the only one who understands. From the day I was born until my last breath, Jesus is alive and I constantly feel His love. That reason alone is more than enough, and could surpass any list, I could possibly make up.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

ONE DARING MOVE

Two years ago, I dreamed of writing a book - and this dream remained a dream until about a month ago. It took inspiration, perfect timing, and a lot of determination. This time, I'm determined to make it happen!

I dare to write a book, and I dare to dream big. I dream of writing a book that will inform, inspire, teach, and simply tell a story of one life that was influenced by a long tradition, and share stories of many more lives who chose to follow this same tradition. 

I am writing a book.

The other night I cried about not being able to add anything else on the 45-page manuscript I've written the past three weeks. I cried and cried because there were many thoughts, many ideas playing in my mind, teasing my brain to add more to the story I am writing, yet these ideas I cannot capture and put into writing, and came out only through tears.

Writing is a mystery.

Writing is a search to the inner core of your being, a journey to one's self to defining the source of your strength, the reservoir of ideas, the fountain of creativity.

I am on that journey.

I am on a journey to writing a book about my journey and the journey of many others.

In trying to write about my journey, I find myself journeying into a different realm - into the realm of writing. The mysterious, magical, and surprising journey of writing.

I do not know what lies ahead, but I know that in this writing journey, I am learning and I am enjoying.

For the love of writing, I will continue this journey.

Because of love, I will be able to continue.