LOVE. LANGUAGE.

This reflection was written on February 1, 2012 while I was immersed in a totally different culture, with a totally different language from mine. I lived in a province in Northern Mindanao, and my frustration to understand people and to be understood, was so deep. I visited people who were directly affected by strong typhoon. I asked their experiences, but I saw how hard it was for them to express using my language. They express their feelings using their own language, but it made me feel frustrated and depressed because I couldn't understand them. At the end of the day, what's important was that my presence made them feel a sense of comfort, support, and love. Their sincerity gave me a sense of hope, courage, and love. And that's all that mattered. Such is the magic of love that can transcend languages.
I just saw this again today and thought I could share it with you. 

It has always been important for me to communicate well. Now that I am in this city where they are deeply rooted in their Cebuano language, I feel that my “Tagalog pride” is being humiliated. This is a very humiliating experience. Anyway, it is hard not to understand what they express, and it is harder to express but they cannot understand you.

I am a fan of language. Language of the heart, as I often call it, is very important when one expresses his/her own feelings. It is through one’s own language that the real feeling is expressed. Otherwise, the expression can only be considered as artificial.

Artificial expression is what you call it when one tries to express his/her feelings using words that he/she is not used to. Using English language to express my own feelings is hard enough. When I am in pain, in so much joy, confusion, or trouble, I use my own language to express it.

When someone here tries to share their personal stories, we would always be caught up in a situation when we will just both stop because that person will begin to express his own language which I do not understand. Meanwhile, when I also try to express myself, I tend to use my language so deep that it becomes very hard for them to understand. Such is the game of language. As such is the game of love. It is incomprehensible. It is incomparable. 

EVEN WHEN IT HURTS (Welcoming 2013)

Today, a friend posted a song entitled "Steady my Heart" by Kari Jobe. It is a song I've heard before, but its meaning sank in to me just when I heard it again today. At the bottom of this entry, you can hear that song. I can just totally relate to its message at the moment. The past few days have been terribly exciting, challenging, and full of hope.

The beginning of the year 2013 proved that this is going to be a thrilling year for me. I had a Canadian friend living in South Korea who came here to visit and have a tour of Metro Manila. I took her around the city, both in the slums and in the high-end areas. I even took her to places I haven't been to, and we both learned to appreciate Metro Manila even if no one would recommend for tourists to stay here. Most of the time, if you ask people which are the nicest places to go, they would tell you of so many places around the Philippines (outside Manila). Now we both learned that what makes a place special is not just what is in it, but WHO are in it. What makes a place special is the people that you meet and journey with while you are there. :)

Meanwhile, on that same week, a friend of mine passed away unexpectedly. He had a sudden heart attack and I was just shocked hearing that news. It gave a pinch of pain to know we can no longer meet, but I was happy that during his lifetime, we shared our stories together, and his journey is one of inspiration.

A tribute to a good friend.

I have been going home every weekend for the past three weeks, and it gave me a lot of special times with my family (New Year, My sister's birthday, and then my grandfather's birthday). Being home on Sundays also gave me a chance to get to know the new youth members at our church better. Being with the younger ones inspire me to learn more in life, so that I could share with them my experiences. Seeing how they journey, and hearing tons of questions from them excites me to share my experiences as a missionary and follower of Christ, and about life in general. These young people inspire me in so many ways they do not know, and I could never explain. Their lives are testimonies of God's faithfulness to His children, and God's answers to prayers. Their hunger for learning ignites my passion for teaching. Their thirst for wisdom challenges my own diligence in learning. I love everyone of them that adds to my church family. Our prayer for this year is for our concert on December that I will be coordinating. I pray that everything will turn out just fine, and that God will use the right people to carry out the tasks that needed to be done.

My family..that inspires me wherever I go. 

My best friends... it used to be just the four of us as youth at our church.
We are very blessed for the many  who God led to join our journey 

At work, everything is going fine. I thought that this quarter would be more relaxing, but that thought didn't stay long because I found out I needed to do a lot more stuff that aren't in my original plans. I will be traveling again in the next few weeks, and will be coordinating events. Our work plan for the entire year is also set, and that involves a lot of traveling, researching, training, documenting, and learning for me. :) I am up for every bit of challenge.

Personally, I still pray for my studies even if there aren't any immediate opportunities, and I guess my busy schedule will not yet permit. But I do pray that someday, God will lead me to the right opportunities and provide for my every need so that I would be able to study for a Master's degree that I can use for whatever He plans for me to do in the future.

Meanwhile, here is a prayer from my heart:



I whisper a prayer from deep inside my heart...
For if You will, it MUST be. 
If not, then let me be:
Obedient to Your plans,
Diligent to my tasks
Forgiving to everyone,
And loving to even my enemies.

There are things that can't be spoken
But the heart cries loud and clear
Lord, if You hear what my heart is desiring
You will answer to my plea.

-rj

This is Kari jobe's song, Steady My Heart

OF PAINS AND TEARS, AND JOY

And my journey continues...

It's been a while since my last update. It means I have been very busy with my journey and it is only tonight that I got a chance to just sit down, reflect, and review the past few months.

My journey has been going through ups and downs, rough and smooth, joy and tears. Things just happen unpredictably and I love how exciting they actually go. I have been VERY BUSY traveling around and doing a lot of things for work to deliver my work demands. Those are very exciting and new experiences, so there was so much joy and fun. I met new people and witnessed awesome stories of inspiration. I am getting more adjusted to the nature of my work, my work environment, and my work mates. Those are the ups, and I think you can easily imagine it. WORK as you were CALLED. I knew beforehand that this is exactly where God has called me to work, and everything is just perfect.

So, there goes the downs too... things that are painful, and will bring you to tears along the way... Recent experiences just taught me very important lessons.

What I realized is that, even if you open your eyes to understand each one better, not all of them would treat you back the same. Because most of the time, people judge you based on their own experiences and culture. So, if their experiences are pretty much limited, and yours is a little bit broad, they'll end up judging with the limitations they have. No blame to those people, but now I know I need to be more aware and self-conscious. I just had to learn it the painful way. That's the stubborn love of God... You learn things harder when they're worth remembering well :)

I also feel so bad about the victims of the recent typhoon that hit my country. Many of the victims were also victims of last year's typhoon and haven't fully recovered yet. I wonder how much trauma the children experienced.... I pray for YHWH's mercy for my country.

And my journey will still continue... this is just a brief summary of what I've been up to lately. Or, what my journey had for me lately :)

Peace!

And here's another interesting update! Just recently experimented on agreeing to pose for advertising a weekly theological talk at a seminary. It was fun and exciting, and the first tryout shoot turned well :P (says the photographer). I don't know if I'll pick modelling as a career, though. I love eating!

ON CONSUMERISM

Living in the city where you are offered every good thing everyone would want to have is a big challenge. One, with the meager resources that I have, it is impossible to acquire every single thing my eyes would desire. Two, at the end of the day, what really matters is only the things you NEED, not all the things you WANT.

I grew up in a simple family with a very simple lifestyle. My parents would make sure we only spend what fits on our "budget" - a very tight budget for our whole family. Being raised that way makes me appreciate the things I have, and it made me be contented with what I already have, not craving for something that looks better, or costs higher, when I already own something that serves the same purpose. That made me live with the principle, "if you can live without it, you don't need to die for it."

Right now, I live in an environment where consumerism bugs me all the time. There are offers on buying things I don't necessarily need, or desiring things I can actually live without. There is also one culture of consumerism that begins to annoy me. There is a trend (at least among people my age), of treating your friends out for dinner or snack. Usually, my friends would do that. At first, I liked it because then I get to save a bit on my budget. However, they get back on you sometimes by forcing you to treat them with some things that costs even more than the amount they gave you for free. It keeps on happening and I am totally hating that fact.

Why? Of course there is nothing wrong in treating your friends. But sometimes it just becomes dragging when you are forced to spend money on things that would sacrifice your budget for your savings, or on my case my budget for some other things like helping out with ministry activities.

There is completely nothing wrong with the idea of buying the things you want, as long as you can afford it. But right now I am disliking the fact that people sometimes (consciously or unconsciously) force you to spend money on things you don't actually plan to spend on.

Personally, I have very strict rules on budgeting. Not that I am thrifty, I actually love treating people! But I want to make sure that I save a bulk of my budget for meaningful things. It becomes hard when people around you gets you out of control.

Truly, this is just a minor issue, but this is a big part of the challenge that I know God is putting me to test. May the Lord give me strength as I endure the temptations of consumerism around me.

I need prayers for more strength on this matter.

WHEN THE JOURNEY GETS TOUGH, THE RADICAL JOURNEYIST CONTINUES PRAYING

I feel like it's been a while since I last updated you about my journey. Or probably, a lot has just happened that I feel so overwhelmed at this moment. I should recall that a few months ago, I shared about the beginning of my journey with several people: the Peace Church, the Evangelical Youth for Social Action, my Barkman family, and I haven't told you yet about my new job (for almost four months now), with a very welcoming NGO called Sulong CARHRIHL. I am in a roller coaster of emotions the past month, and the only energy that sustains me is that coming from the Great Comforter.

The past month has been busy both for my work and my ministry. During the first week of the month, Peace Church started gathering its first community members as we learn and share together with our visitors -Dr. Jack and his wife, Irene Suderman. We learned about the 96 Images of the Church in the New Testament. We shared various dreams, experiences, and hopes for a church that will be a presence of Jesus in this conflicted society. We also organized two different lectures on the "Gospel of Peace and Social Transformation," and "A Biblical Survey of Peace and the Gospel," in partnership with the Asian Theological Seminary.

Meanwhile, September is also celebrated as the National Peace Consciousness Month. Therefore, working in an organization that promotes peace means that this month is a busy month. We organized several activities, and I even traveled to Mindanao for a week to conduct activities that are in line with the peace month and the UN declared International Day of Peace (September 21). I went to Davao City to speak on a School Forum about the "Youth as Catalysts of an Inclusive Peace." I also traveled to North Cotabato for the launching of a CARHRIHL Monitoring team in the Municipality of Makilala. CARHRIHL, I must say, stands for Comprehensive Agreement on Respect for Human Rights and International Humanitarian Law.

So, work-wise and ministry-wise, the past month has been busy and exhausting for me. Behind the exhaustion, however, is the inner joy I felt with the new learning experiences, new people I met, new places I visited, new food I tasted, and most especially, my reunion with old friends and family at Peacebuilders Community and Coffee for Peace. It was such a blessing to be able to reunite with the people I used to work with.

Anyway, this month was supposed to be a more relaxing month, but I was proven wrong. October is celebrated as the National Indigenous People's Month. So, next week I'll be traveling again to celebrate the IP festival with different Indigenous People groups. It gives me so much excitement and thrill to once again listen to the journeys of our IP brothers and sisters. After that, I'd still have to travel to several other places until the end of the month.

I also anticipate another Peace Church gathering by the end of the month. We just had our first  "service" last Sunday, and it was a blessing to be able to reflect on the Scripture as a community where everyone is free to share insights and reflections.

Lately, I've also been going through journeys of the people I grew up with. I was able to reunite and share with someone I used to see as a mentor- and to hear his journey, and to hear stories of conflict in the church I grew up in... helped me realize that the people who have once been part of my journey, would always be part of me, no matter how long we do not see each other. Every person I share my life and journey with, would always have an impact on me. And that alone, makes me appreciate more the people that I am currently journeying with.

When everything gets tough, there a few important things a journeyist must NEVER forget: to kneel down and pray, and to share your journey with someone. Now my greatest realization is that, a radical journeyist's guide to a fulfilling journey, is PEOPLE. When my journey gets tough, it's the people around me, and their prayers...that keeps me going!

LIBERATING NAKEDNESS

A Review of the book, "The Naked Anabaptist" by Stuart Murray

The book was very well written and can be easily understood by any type of reader, even those who just bumped into Anabaptism and who have no background about it. I love how Stuart Murray discussed the history of Anabaptists and comprehensively researched on its roots and the people who were first involved in this movement. It is inspiring, as an Anabaptist, to read further about the tradition that I grew up with, and understand more about its core convictions and even its weaknesses. I love how he expounded on each of the seven core convictions that spell out what it means to be Anabaptists today, which are:

1. Jesus is our example, teacher, friend, redeemer, and Lord. He is the source of our life, the central reference point for our faith and lifestyle, for our understanding of church, and our engagement with the society. We are committed to following Jesus as well as worshiping Him.

2. Jesus is the focal point of God’s revelation. We are committed to a Jesus-centered approachto the Bible, and to the community of faith as the primary context in which we read the Bible and discern and apply its implications for discipleship.

3. Western culture is slowly emerging from the Christendom era, when church and state jointly presided over a society in which almost all were assumed to be Christian. Whatever its positive contributions on values and institutions, Christendom seriously distorted the gospel, marginalized Jesus, and has left the church ill equipped for mission in a post-Christendom culture. As we reflect on this, we are committed to learning from the experience and perspectives of movements such as Anabaptism that rejected standard Christendom assumptions and pursued alternative ways of thinking and behaving.

4. The frequent association of the church with status, wealth, and force is inappropriate for followers of Jesus and damages our witness. We are committed to exploring ways of being good news to the poor, powerless, and persecuted, aware that such discipleship may attract opposition, resulting in suffering and sometimes ultimately martyrdom.

5. Churches are called to be committed communities of discipleship and mission, places of friendship, mutual accountability, and multivoiced worship. As we eat together, sharing bread and wine, we sustain hope as we seek God’s kingdom together. We are committed to nurturing and developing such churches, in which young and old are valued, leadership is consultative, roles are related to gifts rather than gender, and baptism is for believers.

6. Spirituality and economics are interconnected. In an individualist and consumerist culture and in a world where economic injustice is rife, we are committed to finding ways of living simply, sharing generously, caring for creation, and working for justice.

7. Peace is at the heart of the gospel. As followers of Jesus in a divided and violent world, we are committed to finding nonviolent alternatives and to learning how to make peace between individuals, within and among churches, in society, and between nations.

These core covictions have implications to how the Anabaptist churches, no matter what clothes they wear, continue to live in peace, being able to actively relate to one another in harmony, while at the same time economically and socially responsible.

He also quoted David Augsburger’s definition of spirituality in the Anabaptist tradition as “tripolar – the spirituality of personal transformation (the inner journey), the experience of divine encounter (the God-ward journey), and the relation of integrity and solidarity with the neighbor (the co-human journey with friend and enemy, with neighbor and persecutor) cannot be divided. Tripolar spirituality sees all three as interdependent.”

For me, this vividly describes my personal experience as having grown in an Anabaptist Mennonite church, and struggling between keeping myself safe within the boundaries of the comfort of my church family or going out on the streets to deal with poverty, injustice, and conflict in my society (the way Jesus would).

Anabaptism, however, also has its own flaws. Stuart Murray described them as: legalism, selectivity, intellectualism/anti-intellectualism, divisiveness, separatism, quietism, and inertia. They were each explained in the book, and he talked about how the Anabaptist tradition in itself is not the perfect way of interpreting the Scripture. He affirms though that there are many things that other traditions can learn from Anabaptism, and that this tradition has a lot to offer to the post-Christendom era where many people are already being moved to become a church that is actively engaged in societal transformation.

The Naked Anabaptist is eye-opening, challenging, exciting, and indulging. It is a fresh new way of understanding Anabaptist tradition without the boringness of other theological books. It was educational and informative, especially for people who are just beginning to understand deeper what it means to be a follower of Jesus.

THE WOUNDS OF PEACE

In writing this, my heart is in peace; and my heart goes out to the many peace workers who have come and gone, and to the many more who are currently sacrificing their lives for the cause of peace.

I am struggling right now, and am having so many difficulties figuring out so many information that are being fed to my 22-year old brain. I am tired thinking. I am exhausted. Yet in this exhaustion and quest for answers, I see the faces of many wounded peace workers. Their passion, creativity, and enthusiasm will tell you that they are excited doing peacebuilding work. Their eyes, however, tell a different story.

Oftentimes, I listen to the soft voices of peace workers crying out for peace. I would feel their hearts beat the same way as mine, yet their eyes, when you look closely, will bring you to a window where you could see wounds of past and present. Wounds that are so deep and remain unhealed. Wounds that are caused by fighting for the bloody battle of "peace building".

The window to these souls will bring you to an empty, dark room, where the smell of blood and injustice is so overpowering, and you'll hear a heartbeat that is almost fading. The cry for peace is so loud, yet the voices are weakening. Slowly, I come to realize, peace work makes one vulnerable to many open wounds.

In my youth and in my early years in peace building, I tend to get scared of what lies ahead. I'm afraid that later I would get so wounded inside, while struggling to move forward every single day of my life - for the cause of peace.

This struggle leads me to reflect on why I am doing this, and how my journey has been so far.   My reflections lead me back to Jesus. As a response to the calling of God, I chose to follow Jesus by way of peace building work. It was not easy, and it is never going to be.

In the past, I have already been wounded. I have even experienced the point of nothingness - of struggling because I can no longer find meaning in my own life while I try to work for others to find meaning in theirs. It was devastating. And yet, now I have been completely healed from those wounds. I have been restored. I have been re-energized, and even reconciled to wounded relationships.

I wonder why others seem to have not recovered at all from wounds of the past. Then in searching the Word, I found the answer, which is Jesus. Jesus might be the missing piece of the puzzle that others are struggling to find. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, who has come to reconcile man to God, is often times left on the margins. Often times, Jesus is even forgotten and not included in the picture of peace.

But Jesus is the ultimate source of peace. Jesus should be the blood that flows through every veins of the peace networks ever existing in the world. Jesus "is" the heart of peace building. Without Jesus, peace building is but another attempt of the world to make a better world - but to no success.

World peace, in essence, is not possible without Jesus. Now I understand better why the peace that Jesus gives, is not the kind of peace that the world can EVER offer.

The PEACE of JESUS TRANSFORMS the heart and soul. The peace of Jesus, among others, HEALS all kinds of WOUNDS. Day to day, as one struggles for peace, only when we allow Jesus to transform our lives would we ever attain peace, and thus be able to pass it on to others.

Today, at 22, I am very vulnerable. I will still get wounded, over and over. Yet the wounds I will acquire, I completely surrender to the Prince of Peace, whose wounds have saved my soul.

I am leaving you at peace. I am giving you my own peace. I am not giving it to you as the world gives. So don't let your hearts be troubled, and don't be afraid.-John 14:27