DE-BRIEF

This is a debrief.
My debrief, and mostly, rants. I don't do this often.

I have been longing for debrief every time I finish a task, or whenever I get back from my travels from the field. You know, I long for someone who will listen to my stories. Someone who will sit there for hours and listen to me. I long to release my emotions, my frustrations, and my expectations. I long to share my joys of achieving, and my sadness in failures. I long to just talk on and on, and the person I am talking to will not interfere, will not interrupt, and will not judge me. I long for a listener, not a critic. I long for a listener, not a storyteller (someone who will listen to you shortly, and then talk a lot more about their own experiences related to yours). I long for someone who will ask how I feel, how I am doing, and just simple questions that would make me feel I am being heard. I long to feel that someone understands me - COMPLETELY; what I am going through, and how I am doing. That. I long for that.

I miss the times when the workplace enables you to do that. But now, I am beginning to feel intensely that I am in a totally new environment. I am moving in a totally different space, and somehow, I still feel alienated. Alienated from the world I am moving in. Somehow, I find it difficult to find my place in this space so vast, and yet everything around me is strange. I find it difficult to express who I really am when everyone around me sees me strange.

I haven't written for a long time because I didn't know what to write about. There are times I feel like losing the point and meaning of everything I am doing. Sometimes, I feel like dropping  everything, and listening to myself first, because no one listens to me. Sometimes, I have to think of creative ways to keep my sanity. I knew what I am doing, why I am where I am now, and why I am doing all these. But it is difficult when all the negative energies around you strike you, leaving you feeling weak and helpless. And yet, you know you can stand up, you can jump over huge obstacles, and reach your destination. I know just that. Many people see me as a strong person, and that is exactly why sometimes I feel so weak, so helpless, and so frustrated. Because no one would believe I am going through a tough time because no one listens either. And when someone listens, they would tell you that you can go through that, that life has its way of teaching you and showing you things you need to learn. I know just that. I know there's a purpose far deeper than what I can see, and far more meaningful than what I can comprehend at this moment. There's a reason for all these, and I just need to hang in there and absorb all the lessons I need to learn, savor the sweetness of every moment, because at the end of the journey, it will all be worth it. Yeah, thanks for my advice.

I appreciate people now that listen to me. People I know are real friends and people I can count on. They keep me strong and going.

Well, this is part of the journey of the radical journeyist.

A photo of my recent travel with the tribes in Kalinga province, Northern Luzon... These women, and their strength and inspiring stories are now part of my journey. It was a joy and a blessing to encounter them.