Saturday, July 19, 2014

MAKING A LIST AND CHECKING IT TWICE (THE IDEAL MAN LIST)

This is not about a Christmas wish list or a shopping list. This is about an ideal man list and I was inspired to write this post when my friend wrote about why she threw her "ideal man" list. She is a very talented and passionate woman, and the reason why she is single, is because that one man who deserves her hasn't come along yet.

I am writing this in response to her story of throwing away the ideal man list and focusing on having a heart that can discern the character of a man, because the character of a man is the only thing that is non-negotiable. I completely agree with that. We do not need a list. We will not marry a list. We will marry a man. We will not fall in love with the ideal. Loving means loving the imperfect, the most annoying, and the disappointing side of the man we choose to be with.

I don't know where that "ideal man" list came from, but maybe I also had those lists before. I did not literally have a notebook of lists or some sort, but I had some "standards" in mind about what kind of guy I would like.The first time I felt like a guy met all the ideals I had in mind, I entered a relationship and broke my heart. After that first heart break, I revisited that list and improved it, thinking that the next man should be the one, because I had an improved version of that list. I met another man and broke my heart the second time. And so this journey to finding the "ideal man" was painful, but then I learned my lessons. Since then, I knew I had to be patient and figure out what kind of man I would really like to spend the rest of my life with.

I believe that there is no such thing as an ideal man. So I just imagined what characteristics and qualities of a man that I think would best fit my character, and then I prayed. I prayed for a man whose heart seeks God and who will also seek my heart from God. I prayed for a man who has a clear vision in life, in which I will see myself being a part of. I prayed for a man who will see himself in my own vision, and will complement me in all my strengths and weaknesses. I prayed for a man whose leadership I can follow, and whose character I can admire. I prayed for a man that I will love as a person, and as a man, not because he loves me but because I'm just drawn to him naturally. I prayed for a man who will love me with all my imperfections and whose imperfections I can embrace. And I always prayed to God to surprise me...

...and He did! I met a man who I never thought existed. I met a man who I loved in my prayers and existed only in my imagination. It does not need to take so much time to figure out if he is the one, because I know while I was praying for almost two years, he was also in the process of being prepared to meet me. We are still in a journey of knowing each other deeper and envisioning a future together. There are a lot of things we are learning that I can share with you in the future. But what I want to point out is that every woman deserves a man who is no less than what she deserves. 

Women, we do not need a knight in shining armor who will save us from our wretched circumstances. We do not need a prince charming who will give us a feeling of security. We do not need the attention of a handsome guy to make us feel beautiful. It is not what a lifetime partner is for. We have our own strength, our own confidence, and beauty. What we need is a man who will appreciate our inner capacity and inspire us to become better in anything we do, because he believes that you are powerful enough and you can do it without him, but he will still be there to support you and be a shoulder you can cry on at times that you feel weak.

Love is not a fairy tale with happy ever afters of smiling and dancing and having fun. Love is discovering the inner capacity of each other and choosing to embrace each other during difficult times because you hold your commitment sacred. What we need is a man seeking God's heart, not a man fulfilling our list. 

So if you have a list of your ideal man, maybe check it again and figure out what you think you really deserve as a woman. If you are sure of what kind of man you are waiting for, check again if you are the kind of woman he deserves. God is the best author of love stories more than any writer or novelist who ever existed. And no love story is ever perfectly the same. As unique as each of us is, our love stories are also uniquely orchestrated and we only need to prepare as we wait for the spotlight to come our way.