"My child, I have conceived you in my heart, long before I conceived you."
Nine years ago, in September 2007, I had a surgery. I had a huge cyst around my ovary, so my left ovary and fallopian tube had to be removed with the cyst. I was still in college and recuperating was pretty much easy, with the strength of my youth and the support of family and friends around me. But there was a scar left. A 13-centimeter scar that reminded me of the lingering question every time - will I ever have my own baby? I had no idea.
Before entering into any relationship, I make sure the guy understands my situation very well. And so I fell in love. And this man asked me to marry him last year, December 2015. From the very beginning of our relationship, we both decided we are going to wait til marriage before we have sex. We prepared for our wedding for 8 months, and things turned out to be more awesome than we expected. Of course, it was exceptional because of all our family, friends, and community who poured all their love and support. It was a beautiful day - August 27, 2016. That day, I imagined my life - my future, with this man. I knew it would be full of challenges but it will be worth it. As faithfully as God has provided for our wedding, we knew He will be our constant source of provision throughout our marriage. We made a promise to love each other through the best and even the most difficult times. We will stick together through the most certain things, and even through uncertainties, doubts, and anxieties.
We only had a whole week for honeymoon before we go back to our long-distance setting. He has to finish his work for a few more months, and so during that time we'll have to endure being apart from each other. Before the wedding, most people asked us if we have any plans on having children, and when. I always said we wouldn't plan. We'll wait and see whenever that is. In my mind, in fact, I always thought "if ever that is going to happen?" A question of doubt and anxiety that haunted me for nine years. I knew nothing was impossible. My husband and I had faith that God will give us children. We even have two names lined up for the first two kids. But we were also prepared in case it never happens. We are willing to adopt.
Two weeks after our honeymoon, my monthly period was already delayed. I thought it was probably just due to adjustments in my reproductive organs. The following week, my husband encouraged me to get a pregnancy test to see if ever it's positive. Or else we'll just have to wait a little longer. I thought it wouldn't hurt to try. And so I tested. And it was positive! I tried a second time, and it was positive again! I couldn't believe how possibly true and fast things have been! But I certainly am now conceiving a child. A child I prayed I could have - for nine years! I am so thankful that throughout the years of fear, anxiety, and doubt that haunted me, God has ever been faithful, answered a little prayer, a heart's desire to be able to carry my own child. Now in the next months, things are going to change inside my body, but I feel like I can endure anything. In Christ!
