I am struggling right now, and am having so many difficulties figuring out so many information that are being fed to my 22-year old brain. I am tired thinking. I am exhausted. Yet in this exhaustion and quest for answers, I see the faces of many wounded peace workers. Their passion, creativity, and enthusiasm will tell you that they are excited doing peacebuilding work. Their eyes, however, tell a different story.
Oftentimes, I listen to the soft voices of peace workers crying out for peace. I would feel their hearts beat the same way as mine, yet their eyes, when you look closely, will bring you to a window where you could see wounds of past and present. Wounds that are so deep and remain unhealed. Wounds that are caused by fighting for the bloody battle of "peace building".
The window to these souls will bring you to an empty, dark room, where the smell of blood and injustice is so overpowering, and you'll hear a heartbeat that is almost fading. The cry for peace is so loud, yet the voices are weakening. Slowly, I come to realize, peace work makes one vulnerable to many open wounds.
In my youth and in my early years in peace building, I tend to get scared of what lies ahead. I'm afraid that later I would get so wounded inside, while struggling to move forward every single day of my life - for the cause of peace.
This struggle leads me to reflect on why I am doing this, and how my journey has been so far. My reflections lead me back to Jesus. As a response to the calling of God, I chose to follow Jesus by way of peace building work. It was not easy, and it is never going to be.
In the past, I have already been wounded. I have even experienced the point of nothingness - of struggling because I can no longer find meaning in my own life while I try to work for others to find meaning in theirs. It was devastating. And yet, now I have been completely healed from those wounds. I have been restored. I have been re-energized, and even reconciled to wounded relationships.
I wonder why others seem to have not recovered at all from wounds of the past. Then in searching the Word, I found the answer, which is Jesus. Jesus might be the missing piece of the puzzle that others are struggling to find. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, who has come to reconcile man to God, is often times left on the margins. Often times, Jesus is even forgotten and not included in the picture of peace.
But Jesus is the ultimate source of peace. Jesus should be the blood that flows through every veins of the peace networks ever existing in the world. Jesus "is" the heart of peace building. Without Jesus, peace building is but another attempt of the world to make a better world - but to no success.
World peace, in essence, is not possible without Jesus. Now I understand better why the peace that Jesus gives, is not the kind of peace that the world can EVER offer.
The PEACE of JESUS TRANSFORMS the heart and soul. The peace of Jesus, among others, HEALS all kinds of WOUNDS. Day to day, as one struggles for peace, only when we allow Jesus to transform our lives would we ever attain peace, and thus be able to pass it on to others.
Today, at 22, I am very vulnerable. I will still get wounded, over and over. Yet the wounds I will acquire, I completely surrender to the Prince of Peace, whose wounds have saved my soul.
I am leaving you at peace. I am giving you my own peace. I am not giving it to you as the world gives. So don't let your hearts be troubled, and don't be afraid.-John 14:27
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