LET IT GO AND LET IT FLOW

For the past two weeks, I was at the Mennonite Central Committee (MCC) Asia Anabaptist Diakonia Conference, held in Central Java, Indonesia. One of the discussions was about Trauma Healing Approaches. I especially liked one method of imagining you were a turtle at the edge of an ocean. You were afraid and had to hold to your friends because you don't want to get drowned. But then you have to convince yourself to let go, and let it flow. That small turtle, after letting go, realized that she can go with the flow of big and small waves, and that letting go feels so good after all.

Now, I am that turtle. I am at a point in my life when I have to let go of so many things. I feel so afraid. I feel so scared. So scared that the world out there is so big for me, and that I can easily be overthrown by big waves on the ocean. I feel so bad letting go of people. People that I learned to love and build good relationships with. I feel bad letting go of things - things that made my life convenient and comfortable in this constantly changing technological world - computer, camera, all my files! I also somehow feel bad letting go of my job. Yeah, I resigned because I know God wants to redirect my focus on my calling. But it's just not easy- letting go of something you have been so accustomed doing, something you loved doing. I feel bad letting go of my emotions - my past hurts, frustrations, regrets, mistakes; they just keep coming back!
So then, I have to allow myself to undergo that process - of letting go and letting it flow... and allow the Spirit of God to comfort me, heal me, and restore my joy and energy.

I am letting go...

I  just said goodbye to the gadgets I used to have (well, they are not really mine after all!)...

I am letting go of the job I loved (my first love)... because God has something else for me to do...

I am letting go of the people I learned to love and work with...we will meet again...

I am letting go of my past hurts, frustrations, mistakes, and regrets... I have learned from them!...

And I am finally letting you go... you who taught me how to love, feel loved, and then get hurt. I am letting you go... I am letting go of our memories.. because I am allowing you to grow..and I am allowing myself to even grow more... and not only limited to you...

I am letting go and letting it flow...

At first, it is scary.

But soon, I will be fine... I will be, as a turtle, soon enjoying the big waves of the ocean. I'll find the best place for me to grow.. and then I will grow bigger, wiser, stronger!


3 years ago, I allowed one baby turtle to set free in the ocean. Maybe This turtle is big now. Hopefully - I hope it surpassed all the big waves and predators around him.



I named the baby turtle - PAWI- in this photo, he is about to walk towards the ocean.
Right now, I am like him.. Hopefully, like I saw him swim, I will be able to swim as well - and surpass the big waves.

 For more photos related to the ones shown above